Inflationary Incentives
We’ve been potty training our son for several months, an experience that has made us question our parenting skills and inability to outwit a 3-year-old. Initially we started out following an approach that allowed two weeks for practice, then advocated a kind of cold-turkey stance: underwear only (except when sleeping) and no reminders to Go Potty. If he has an accident, very calmly let him stay wet for a bit and then get the child to undress himself. No rewards, no panic ever. What we didn’t expect was that our son had no problem staying wet, and no interest in undressing himself. So what was supposed to remove the control issue over whether or not he has to go potty, turned into major battles over him staying in the bathroom and taking off wet clothes. Nightmarish scenario for two germophobic (yes, urine is sterile but it’s still gross) type-A parents with a 1-year-old toddling around. (I’ll note here that his pre-school does not do diapers, and we’re all happy with the school so switching programs is not an option.)
After several long days of no progress whatsoever (it’s supposed to take 3 accidents before they decide, wait a second, it’s a whole lot easier to just go sit on the potty) and near-flooding of our house with pee, we switched to offering M&M’s as a reward. I wasn’t even sure he would like them since he’d never had one. No worries there. Pretty quickly the price of poop went up to 5 M&M’s, so realistically each time he did a number 2, he’d get 6, as he figured out himself. I was excited that he could do basic math, so I didn’t argue. A couple of months later, however, he would still show very little interest in telling us when he had to go to the bathroom.
I was worried about our seeming lack of progress, so I asked our pediatrician about it, and he reassured me that 3 to 3.5 years old is normal for boys, and once he decides he’s ready, it’ll happen. He advised against any pressure other than encouragement and rewards, and suggested stickers, which for his own child was all the motivation he needed to take over the potty training himself. So I bought stickers, made a chart, and showed it to our son and said when he fills it out, we’d go to the hobby farm and ride a pony. He was excited by this and seemed to understand the idea of having a goal.
I thought for sure this was the tipping point, and now with the incentives properly in place, we would simply respond to our son’s requests to go potty and be on time for all of our outings. I was wrong. There is definitely less drama, thankfully, but we’re still a ways away, and he doesn’t seem that motivated to fill out the chart. I have caught myself offering him an additional M&M for getting off the potty quickly and not requiring a story, and giving in to a request (demand?) for M&M’s in addition to stickers. I’m hoping he’s potty trained before we get to the point where I’m offering the pony itself.
Posted by Erin 
08.Nov.07
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I have a 1 year old son so this was funny. I have a lot to look forward to.
Potty Training: Dealing with Constipation…
Some children don’t like having bowel movements, perhaps because they have felt pain before, and now resist going. This resistance can cause constipation as the faeces become hard and compacted, making bowel movements even more painful….